Happy Birthday!
by something unimportant
Summary: It's Soras birthday! And Roxas is invited to it...unfortunatly. no pairings, random humor and very bad language.
1. SuperSweetEleven

1.

It was a sunny day. No clouds in the sky. What a wonderful day! Roxas thought, as he jumped out of the bus. He took the invitation from Sora out of his pocket.

It was supposed to have the directions with which he should be able to find the house where his cousin and some friend of his lived together in a hostel.

He read it to himself:

Heya old bugger, how are ya doing? You know what? ITS MA BIRTHDAY!!! So for christ´s sake come to it! It´s going to be loads of fun with cookies, baloons, games AND A PIECE OF CAKE FOR EVERYONE!!!! So get your fucking ass to my place at so-and-so on so-and-so

so-and-so.

_Love Sora_

How a singel person could seriously write something like this without getting complettly mad, remainded a mystery to Roxas. He really didn´t want to be the one to correct his english exams:

_And then i said to Tiffany that the pink bunny was a moron and should go screw himself. Then i asked her, if she could give me the recipt for those cookies with pink frosting which were so fucking good, that I could rip some goddamned hobos head off and feed it to the the blue birds, just for a tiny bit of them._

But dammit; THERE WHERE NO DIRECTIONS ON IT!

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" he screamed and earned a death glare from a old granma who was out on a walk. Sorry. he said in a low voice and blushed. "Hmpf. the oldtimer replied and walked away muttering: The youth of today is so tainted. If something like this had happened in the good old days..."

Roxas, still ashamed, started to look around for someone he could ask if he knew where Sora and folks lived, when he was confronted with a huge pink poster with a message on it. It said : TO SORAS BIRTHDAY PARTY THAT WAY! A (also pink) arrow, which was printed under this oh so valuable message pointed the way Roxas had come.

His eyes twitched when he turned around just to see MILLIONS (!!!) of similar prints along the street. He started shaking in disbelieve, when he turned his head and saw: They were everywhere! On every wall, on every junk bucket... even a cat had one of them tied to it's tail. The long and the short of it: It was a nightmare in pink.

"How many people are invited?!" He thought to himself after a minute of recovering. "And more important how many did work on this?!50, 70, 65,78922?! Do I really want to know... No."

His inner monolog went on, as he followed the arrows, trying his very best to look like he did _no_t follow them. "What else could you expect after an invitation like this, but the strangest? I mean its so..." He thought when he was interrupted by this message :

_**For Entrace to Soras SuperSweetSixteen Party just show your invitation to the Security**_

_Love Sora♥_

Roxas was confronted with a pink (!), very long poster, which hung between two house and straight across the street. Roxas jumped back, shocked by so much -he searched for a word- _gayness_. Now it was official: he would never- ever in his live go to _any _event, which had something to do with his cousin in the slightest. He swore to death. Even if he had the dicision between eternal hell and a day on a concert of his favourite band on a sunny day with his good-looking girlfriend in the front row of a crowd of 50.000 people and the only thing that could possilbly ruin his day was a Sora who did not know that Roxas was there; he would choose eternal hell. He knew Sora and his hidden-not-yet-seen-bloodhound-gen would find him in the first five minutes. He friggin knew that. So he was not so suprised when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The bloodhound-gene had finally shown up. He turned around to face his cousin before he would get killed in a death-grip-hug.

"Invitation." said a bad mooded voice which did obiusly not belong to sora."What?" asked roxas, let out the breath he had holden and opened his eyes.

He saw two guys. Both had scars.One who was standing a bit behind had a cross scar over his nose, blue hair, pointy ears and yellow eyes. The other which had asked him had a scar on his cheek and wore an eyepatch. His eye was also yellow and his ears pointy but his hair black with a little gray. He wore a pony tail unlikly crossscarguy whoose had hair fell over his shoulder in loose soft lookin straws.

"T-t-there." Roxas said a little afraid and handed the invitation to eyepatchguy who held it against the sun – a cake shaped water mark appeared and it was (how unexpected) pink. "You may pass" he replied and handed the invitation back to roxas.

Roxas had passed them both a few minutes ago when he noticed two rather disturbing things:

1, the bluehaired guy was following him

2, there were no more „discreet" hints, tellling him where the party was. So he turned to say: "Can you tell me where the party is? And then, stop chasing me?" "It is my pleasure to lead you to master Xemnas house, where master Soras birthday celebration takes place." he answered with a bow and ignored Roxas' disbelieve. "That way, master." he said and pointed along the street which had turned into a fucked up half graveled half paved wood path and lead like the name said into a dark and scary wood. Not very inviting, dark and scary wood.

All of the sudden he grabbed Roxas and hoisted him on his back like he was a small soft feather pillow and not a tall teenager. Notice the TALL (XD) "What hell'd you think you pedofile- perverted sonuvabitch! LET ME DOWN!"

"Let me tell you something little bastard." came the reply in low and sharp voice "I am NOT ordered to carry fat and lazy bums up this fucking hill. I don't do it A. because you blind and stupid moon calf would get lost on way, though I could imagine it. Or B.because I am oh so genorous. NO. I do it. because I am friggin up since 3 am. All I want to do, is sleep but before that, I have to make sure, you pain in the ass will _not_ do anything funny like gettin your ass kicked by some random rapist. Now, be a good bastard and keep your mouth shut. Roxas stared at him, unable to understand how a single person could say that much. Bluey used his change and went on talking: SO, you let me carry you up this fucked up way to this damned party, so one of those other meaningless exitence has to look after you biscuit and there's no need to fear any use of physical force of any kind from my side. Got that??" he said, in a agree-it-or-die-in-unspeakable-pain-tune.

Roxas swallowed hard, but said nothing in the cause of two reasons :

He was scared to death. Who wouldn´t after a not-yet-but-very-soon-sex-offender/sex-murderer/child-abuser had threatened to kill you.

Because this not-yet-but-very-soon-sex-offender/sex-murderer/child-abuser was running with a speed you can´t imagen through a scary and dark wood on a not made up way which actually, was two tyer tracks and in the middle some short gras.

Roxas once read this book -titel doesnt matter- and yes it was about a girl who fell in love with a vampire and he falls in love for her to and blablabla... But that's not the point. The point is, he runs through a wood, with her on his back at a madman speed. Bad luck for Roxas, that he was not the girl in the book and the guy under him not the graceful vampire. It felt like much but not like floating over over the ground like his feet didnt touch it Actually, it felt like a drunken camel running over a waterbed slow motion, so you could feel every single muscel moving and every now and then, how it nearly tripped over his own feet but catched it's fall in the last second before it would loose control and hit the floor hard.

This „Camel-ride" was about five minutes long.

The distance would need thirty minutes to walk, if you'd walk a bit faster than the passengers in london do.

The passengers in london are the fastest in the world...

-- Author note

the first chapter of my first story is finally finished! r&r please! And dont ask me about the passengers in london! I heard some long time ago! Oh and sora will become a little bit less gay and curse more. VERY ooc and hard to write but funny.


	2. SuperSweetTwelve

2.

When they finally reached the house, Roxas felt like he was going to puke into the next bush, so he didnt noticed the wonderful,panorama at first. He collapsed on the ground, breathing hard, with his heart beating far too fast to be normal.

Cross guy did look like, he had just lifted up a feather. A down feather.

"Please dont look at me like I just penetrated you, master."

"You fucking did _penetrated_ the shit out of me!!" Roxas replied and earned a slightly amused look with it. "As long you wont tell anyone it in _this_ words, I shall not mind, master." he said and smiled lewdly. Without loosing another word, he walked over to the house and looked for the keys in his pant pocket.

Roxas breath was taken by the sight. Neither the sight of scar-guy's pant pocket nor the house, though they were both a remarkable and combined a very weird sight. The house, to say it short, was amazing. It had 3 floors + groundfloor and was dark cherry red. Like this stuff, wounded fighters in movies spit out, shortly before dying, to describe the color a bit better. It looked like a witch house with uncountable little towers, bays, windows, balconies and a roof terrace- Roxas just plain _knew_, he'd get lost there, the moment he entered.

But not enought with that, when you could take your focus of the 'building', you could see the town -it looked pink dispite all distance- and woods around. Like riped off of a cheap postcard, you'd send relatives you want to impress.

"Dammit just like in howls moving castle!" he said more to himself than to blue haired guy.

"Hm. Do you mean this exordinary animated movie, master?"

"Yeah! Did you watch it? It is my favourite ghibli movie! I love ghibli and how they draw!" Roxas replied, his eyes glowing like every time he talked about ghibli. Bishi-sparkles? The sparkles of youth? Who needs them, when there are obsession-sparkles.

"Very well for you, master. Tell me more about it later... much later" he said and ignored a dissapointed looking roxas. "The others may already be desperatly waiting for you to arrive, though I wouldnt be so desperate when it was my birthday. Are you able to see my thought? You may be a guest but that's all, master." "If I'm just a guest, why does he insist in calling me Master? I bet Sora like it that way... (;3)"Roxas thought, but remainded silent. Offened scar-guy and you'll be the next scar-guy.

Said blue-haired male, did not wait for a response, he shrugged and turned the key to open the door. Strangely, had just raised his hand to open it, when the doorknob turned itself and the door was smashed open.

Very fast. _Very, very, _fast_Very_ _very,_ _very,_ fast!

But cross-scar guy was _**very,**_ _**very,**_ _**very,**_ _**very**_ fast and so you could see, he was able to jump out of the way. It was close, but still.

Roxas wasnt _**very,**_ _**very,**_ _**very,**_ _**very**_ fast, he wasnt even fast. He was _**very,**_ _**very,**_ _**very,**_ _**very**_ lame, unsporty and skinny. What would he have given to be the opposite!

In each case, he was frontaly hit by the "Roooooooooxyyyy!" screaming, sugar high racket, thrown off of his feet and forced into a home-made breath-taking-death-grip-hug alla Sora, just like so often in his life. He felt pathetic, for still not being able to dodge the brown haired hyper-kid.

After half a minute, he was allowed to breath again, but not to use his breath to speak.

"Omigosh Roxas! you're finally here! I already thought you wouldnt come anymore! You're the last one, you know and Riku said that you ..."said Sora, in a kinder-garten-kid like voice; smirking down at Roxas, as if sitting on people was normal.

"Yes, yes. You know Riku talks much when the day is long but I want to stand up." Roxas panted.

"He said that you werent so happy after my last birthday and all. But you did come and thats all that counts." Sora said and smiled from ear to ear, foolishly.

The whole; kuddly and happy behavior scared Roxas and besides he grew impatient from sitting in the dirt: "Can I please stand up now?"

"I am so happy to see you after such a long time!" apparently, not enough kuddly and happy for Sora.

"Cmon lemme get up."

"Everybody is so exited about you, y´know I told them a lot about you."

Roxas sighted. Sora was everything but listing to him. This required a trick...

"Sora look, a pink and flying ..."

He just forgotten what to say. Pink and flying.. my ass, he hadnt done this so long.

"A pink and flying what?A pink and flying what? A pink and flying what? A FUCKING PINK AND FRIGGING FLYING WHAT THE HECK?????" Sora screamed and jumped up.

"I should have said something but well he is off of me, so I dont care." Roxas thought

"SAIX, DID YOU FOR DEVILs SAKE SEE WHAT THE HELL THIS PINK-LIKE-ASS FLY-THING WAS?!" he cried out.

"A butterfly I suspect, master." he said and looked serious. Roxas was impressed, the guy knew what he was doing.

"I WANNA SEE THAT COCK SUCKERS BUTTERFLY!!! WHERE IS IT GONE? I AM GONNA HAVE IT BY THE BALLS!!!"

"It floated into the villa, master." Saix replied with a bow.

"LETS HUNT THIS DRY FUCKED BUTTERFLY! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HUNT IT! HUNT IT! HUNT IT! HUNT IT! HUNT IT! LETS HUNT THIS FIST FUCKING THING!" Sora screamed again; grabbed Roxas and Saix and dragged them into the witch´s house.

"I should have known this is going to end like ... "Roxas thought

We may never know like what, because Riku had stepped through the door, Sora wanted to take.

"Man, what a mess. F.U.B.A.R. (fucked up beyond all recognation) like my brother in the marines would say." The little pink nonexitent butterfly thoughed, shrugged his little inexistant shoulders and flyed away. "I pity the blond guy."

"Ouchie! Riku, why are you so mean!" Sora beefed.

"I heard you scream something about „hump me" or so. I was worried." the boy called Riku answered, voice something between amused and jeallous, but far a way from worried.

As far as Roxas could judge it, he was silver haired: he had this silver hair all over his face; in his mouth, ears, eyes and nose. First Sora, then this: By the time the day was through, somebody had managed to suffocate him.

"Gan u cet of moh." He asked Riku, trying hard not to swallow some of the hair, while speaking. Unfortunatly, the silver-haired boy could not understand him.

They made a delicious sandwich: Sora on top, then Riku then Roxas then the carpet. Hmmm! ;P Where Saix was, Roxas could only guess. Sora was giggling, shaking he whole thing." You said hump.. Riku used a bad word!"

The conversation may be stupid, but at least, it's a soft carpet. Roxas thought, ignoring the madness he was about to catch from his cousin. I could be wounded badly. And my soul'd have to stay in this house forever. Yes.

Riku stood up and offered him a helping hand to get up, after scratching the distressed Sora off of him. It was grabbed by an arm, which came out of the soft carpet. The „carpet" s secound arm was wrapped around Roxas chest. And then, the fake-carpet got up, Roxas like a stuffed doll against his chest. Time stood stil for a second, nothing moved and Roxas did not dare to breath. Then, he was put on the floor. "I am tired I go to sleep if you don´t mind, master."

-- Author note

Dammit the end sounds so like Roxas/Saix. I think I am going to write a drama next about those two.

To the chapter. The curses sora is using is from a dictionary called : „how to use dirty words" There are many short forms like this! I hope that my story is S.N.A.F.U. (situation normal: all fucked up) : P and dont forget to review! Or I will get emo and F.U.B.B. (fucked up beyond believe)


	3. SuperSweetThirdteen

3.

The three of them walked into the kitchen/living-room, where the whole party was seated on one long table.

"Heya folks, you wont guess who just arrived! My beloved cousin Roxas! SAY HELLO TO HIM BITCHES AND MANWHORES!" Sora, more sugarhigh than ever, cried out and danced through the room like mad. Strangely, nobody seemed to mind, they just went on drinking tea and talking, like there had been no interruption.

Roxas twitched and thought what kind of people his cousin was talking about. He'd instantly believed, Sora'd really invited a bunch of paid hookers, just to have people he could annoy. To his relieve, they looked normal, more or less, but the whole company had something of the mad tea party; On the huge table, the little teaparty looked a bit lost. Though the noise they made was enough to think there were forty people.

"Hey guys, is there still a piece of cake left?" Riku asked, glancing at empty plates.

"Uhm... It looks like Axel just ate the last bit. Sorry." the blond girl that had spoken, bit her lip and tried to smile shyly. But it was already to late: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU KILLED THE CAKE!" Sora cried out; pointing into the empty space where the cake should have been.

"YOU BASTARD!" Came the respond from the whole party.

"When he still wants it, he can have it." Axel said and opened his mouth. The piece of cake was already slightly damaged, the whipped cream mixed with spit to a nice creamy.. goo. But it still looked nearly eatable. If you were starving or had a thing for white, gooey substances.

"Ough. Youre such disgusting pedomaster, Axel." Commented a blond guy with mullet from the other corner of the table. He drunk the with a weired looking man, wearing a hat.

"No comments from the cheap seats, Demyx!" Axel snapped.

"N...n...n..nnnnnnnnnnngh "Sora had begun sobbing; "Bu-u-u-u-u-u-u-ut I wa-a-a-a-a-a-n-n-n-n-n-nted e-e-e-e-e-e-e-everybo-o-o-o-o-o-ody-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i to ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ave a pi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ce."

"Dont worry Sora. One of us is going shopping in the village and bring you some cake to celebrate, okay? 'til then, we could play a good old game of go-fish and search the pink butterfly. Sounds good ?" Riku suggested petting the brunete's head. How he could do that, without having his hand bitten off, was mysterious.

"Yay. Riku saved the day! Sora bounced and his hair came back to it's _normal _form." Everyone left out a sigh, but when Sora suddenly stopped, they tensed again. "... But whos going to drive? Roxas can you drive?" Sora asked his cousin.

"Oh yeah. I am not still fifteen and I magically got a car with me. Sure." Roxas answered ironically

"Oh really? Are you really Soras cousin or more something like a magician? And most important: What car are you carrying with you?" Demyx asked; eyes sparkling at the thought of a portable car.

No sound in that complete silence. For 1 second.

"I WANNA SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKING CAR!_ NOW! _WHERE IS IT! WHAT GODDAMED COLOUR DOES IT HAVE!I WANNA KNOW THAT ALL! WAAAAAAAAHH!" Sora screamed an jumped around like a rubber ball on speed.

"Uhm ... Sora I only joked... "Roxas said carefully, but not carefully enough.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU TRICKED ME, YOU RETARDED FART?! I HATE EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF YOU BULLSHIT ARTIST! GO TO HELL AND LET SATAN RAPE THE CORPSE OF YOUR GRANDMOTHER!" Sora cursed at his cousin.

Roxas coughed. "Uhm...Sorry? But, you know Sora, the only dead grandmother I have was your grandmother too..." Riku twitched. Uh-oh.

This was too much for poor little Sora's mind: the cake gone, his cousin fooled him and his grandmother was dead. He started sobbing.

"Thi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-is i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-is The-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-orst bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-irthda-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay I ever ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad.No-o-o-o-o ca-a-a-a-a-ake le-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eft and my-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i cousi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-in ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ates me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e." Sora sobbed through what seemed like millions of tears.

"I dont hate you. Your my cousin !" Roxas tried to cheer his moody relative up.

"Proof it!" Sora said and looked at Roxas wildly." You know you cant, because its true you hate to be here and me and all. I bet if you had the dicision between eternal hell and a day on a concert of your favourite band on a sunny day with a good-looking girlfriend in the front row of a crowd of 50.000 people and the only thing that could possilbly ruin your day was I and I would not know that you were there; you'd choose eternal hell. I'd bet it!"

Bet won.

"No I'd never do that! Where to you got that stupid idea from? I would love to be on this concert with you instead of this „girlfriend". And I CAN proof it. I will get you a cake even if I have to walk!" Roxas lied. Getting cake ment getting away from Sora and friends and that sounded good.

Luckily, Sora didn't catch that. He thrusted his fist up into the air. "Alright! Who can drive Roxas so he can fullfill his promise to me?" All signs of agony were gone. Suddenly gone, just like all of his friends. So much to volunteers. "Demyx? Uhm ... yes ... I dont know .. .maybe but" " WHAT BUT?! YOU'RE A PAIN IN THE ASS! SAY YES, OR GO SCREW YOURSELF!"

Demyx looked like he wanted to choose the last opinion but pulled himself together. "I.. lost my driving licences yesterday... I had a drunken car race through the town..."

"Not again!" Riku sighed

"WHO WAS ALSO INVOLED IN THIS COCKAMAMIE CAR RACE?"

"I!" Axel shouted, grinnig proudly "And Demyx and Xaldin and Xigbar and Luxord and Marluxia and Vexen!"

"Saix is asleep and waking him up now were even dumber than walkin." Riku said "What means there are only zexion and..."

"I wont play the nanny for this baby!"

"Alright Lexaeus and..."

"Lexaeus got no driving licence, he bikes everywhere... such a hippie." Xigbar snorted.

"Alright, Xemnas can you...?"

"No my youthful birthday-boy. I seem to have lost my glasses. What a pity."

"I am sorry Roxas, but it really looks like, you must bike to buy the cake. Unless you want to walk." Riku said, a bit apologizigly looking.

"Hey beauty, you forgot somebody!" A blond woman with hair, that looked like a grashooper chanted in. "I'm going to drive this midget. I'd do anything for shopping even if I must buy cake with kiddies."She smiled dangerously.

Before anyone could say anything, Roxas was grabbed, dragged into the garage he hadnt noticed was there and a handbag was shoved into his arms. There were a huge black van and a little pink fiat panda in front of him.

"Aw. They look like father/mother and child together. Or like a pedofile gandpa/grandma and his victim grandchild." Roxas thought.

_"HORRAY FOR GENDER MAINSTREAMING! WE LOVE YOU PEDOFILE GRANDMA! _the message suddenly appeared in his mind in pink letters Thats exactly what my history teacher (a feminist called Tifa) would have said, if she knew what I thought right now. She's got a bad influence on me... "Roxas decided

That was the last thing he thought, before he was nearly thrown on the backseat of the pink panda.

--Author note

A weired chapter. I know that Roxas acted a bit ooc but I cant help it. I mean, he couldn´t have said yes i hate you so go screw yourself Sora is his cousin. Who noticed the concert thing?I really just copied it and exchange a few words.

Tifa is a sidekick on a (male) friend of mine who said that all feminists have no/less boobs. I first wanted to choose yunalesca (final fantasy x) but she doesnt show up in kingdom hearts. A pity.


	4. SuperSweetFourteen

4.

They had passed the wood in ten minutes or so.

"Saix was faster..." he muttered to himself.

"He's fucking strong for an astronomy and lyric poetry student, yes. And he's got nice apes." Larxene said, drumming a rythm with her hands.

"Only god knows how she was able to hear that!" the male blond thought, backing off of her a little.

To get a converstion going, Roxas asked: "This Saix guy said something I dont really understand can you explain it to me?"

"As I said, midget, he studies lyric poetry so I cant say for sure. He's rather spaced out sometimes, but just go on, I'll try to listen."

"He said that I looked like he just penetrated me and it is not like he didnt..."

Larxene nearly knocked over an old crumby tree. "SAIX DID WHAT?!"

"He annoyed the living shit out of me!" Roxas was grateful he was still alive.

"YOU JUST SAID SAIX PENETRATED YOU! SO DID HE OR DIDNT HE FUCK YOU?"

"Ah... what!? Doesnt penetrate mean to get on somebodys nerves?"

"ONLY IN COMBINATION WITH ANOTHER WORD! LIKE HE/SHE/IT PENETRATED _YOUR PRIVACY_ OR _YOUR LAND!_ IF YOU FORGET THAT IT, MEANS HE PENETRATED _YOU_ A.K.A.WAS UP YOUR ASS! DUMBASS, YOU REALLY NEED TO GET LAID! EVEN DEMYX KNOWS THAT!"

Oh... crap.

"What did you answer to him? Dont tell me that..." she looked at the blond in disbelieve.

"If you dont wanna hear it I wont say it."

"I get headache from talking to people like you." she said, shaking her head. "Lets change the subject."

"But..."

"I said: Lets change subject and that's that! Good lord."

Roxas was a bit grumpy by now but did not refuse. The hummilitation hurt. "Alright I got another question."

"Pray it's not as stupid as you last one." She interruped him.

"Ill do my best." Roxas said unimpressed "So: where were all people I mean there were tons of..." Roxas said and was again interuped by the female. "Pink posters on every wall? Thats Demyxs, Marluxias and Namines work. They made it as special project for college/school. Everyone of them takes a third. Oh and before you ask, my name is Larxene." Larxene finished up in a bored voice. "You're the only guest."

Very shocked by the knowlege, Roxas breathless asked "And the others who where at that party?"

"We all live there." she replied in a I-don´t-care-tune

She didnt drove too bad but on the street where her panda had a better grip then on the half rotten woodpath, she ignored the speedlimit totally. Roxas was a bit scared.

Once he was saw a car accident on TV. A car was driving too fast and smashed the other car. There had been so much blood and body parts scattered all over the street. Then the police came and said: They're dead. Poor bastards. It was so...ew. A trauma to little Roxas. That day, he swore to never- ever watch C.S.I. Miami again. Two days later, he switched to C.S.I. Las Vegas and watched how twenty whores where killed by the mafia. But that was nothing compared to Larxene's driving skills, once she got into it.

Fortunatly, she stopped the car and parked in front of a dirty white building. They got out of the car.

"And where are we supposed to buy cake? That doesnt look like a bakery. "Roxas asked.

"I want to buy something a bit special and where can you buy things that are special? On the internet!" she cheered

"What does the internet got to do with that building?" Roxas snapped.

"It is a branch of a internet store. They sell books, clothing and so on. C´mon, the faster we're there, the faster we can get to the supermarket and buy your stupid cake." She cheered again and dragged him into the building.

It looked like a eroticstore... for sadists.

Shelves filled with whips in different colours and with or very seldom without spikes, spiked collars in all colours, some even with sound (!), handcuffs (with spikes or fur) in different colours and some more... things, that just looked plain painful. Even a little lost tube of lube with chilly pearls in it, that changed colours depending on temperature lied somewhere. It was named „LIQUID FIRE for stronger feeling! NEW with even MORE chilli-extract!"

Roxas backed away from so much colours, his surviving-senses told him to run, but he didnt got far, because Larxene was still holding his hand. She dragged him to the shelf where the whips with the longest spikes were and took out two.

"I cant decide which one I should take" She said "This one got exchangeable spikes" Larxene told Roxas and lifted up a black whip with rainbow coloured spikes "Or this one." she put down the black one and lifted up the other. It was pink one with a rose print on it, that looked like the rose grew from the top to the handle and a rose pendant hung from the handle.

Roxas pulled himself together. Why the heck had he made that fucking promise again?! Now he had to choose whips in a sadists shop. All he wanted, was to buy that fucking cake and wait til the birthday party was over and then phone his parents to pick him up, but no. Liquid fire and exchangeable spikes. Yippee! He was so screwed.

"Whats so special about it that you want to buy it, can you also exchange the spikes? Or what?"Roxas asked faking interest. In whips... sure.

"You can take off the rose and use it as key ring pendant." She answered playfull.

"Wait a second he said I know that pentand from somewhere... wasnt the guy with the pink hair wearing it?"

"Are you sure ?! Where have you got your eyes, boy?" she asked rather shocked. "I dont wanna own the same whip as this whore! I'll take the black one then. she decided fast and threw the rose whip in the shelf like it was infected with a deathly disease."

"Thanks alot, kid" Larxenen said to Roxas. "you just proofed, you're not totally useless."

They bought that whip and the chashier put it into a boring gray bag with „thanks for buying in one of the over 59 braches of Leon&Cloudss online shop. Come back soon!" printed on it and got back out.

When Roxas suddenly asked "You said, that theyd sell books and stuff. I didnt see any book at all."

"Yeah well in the branches the space is limited so they only sell bestsellers." she answered.

"Oh ... in each case what subject are studying?" Roxas changed the subject as the walked to the mainplace in the little village where all other shops where.

"Math, Political history, Physik." she answered.

A survey under students of different subjects showed that, compared to the difficulty of the subject the student loose or keep their viginity. Every art student has lost it. Physik 60 still got it, justic 70, medicine 90 , and top is math 98.

"Okay?And that Axel guy? I mean, he doesnt seem so bright to me..." Roxas nodded. It was only this morons fault that he was here.

"Chemistry...he is a genius all his teachers say... I dont believe it either." She replied and shook her had." LETS BUY SOME ROMANCE NOVELS!"

"Fuck the what..?" Roxas thought, before he was grabbed again, on this worst day in his life and -this time- dragged into a bookshop.

The bookshop did look very tradionally and old fashioned not like some where you could buy light fiction.

The boy behind the counter didnt really fit into that picture. He wore a black cap, a blue coat and shirt that was so short you could see the lowest rips.

"So definatly gay!" Roxas thought.

"Hey my favourite customer has arrived! How were you doing?" He glaced at her.

"Hi Seifer. Nothing changed since my last visit. Do got some new novels?" Larxene asked with a questioning look.

"Yeah imported from french and india." He replied and undressed Roxas with his glance. Roxas ammidiatly hid behind Larxenes back like a little kid.She didnt seemed to mind it.

"Do you got some bollywood novels?I heard the rumor they should get transleted into english." She asked like no teenager used her as sight-shield.

"Something far better - the poetry collection you ordered!" He smirked at her, watching Roxas out of the edge of his eyes.

"Oh my god I thought it would need a month or longer to arrive!?How did you do that?" Larxene shouted full of suprise.

He smiled and bowed "All for our customers!"

"Your unbelieveable! But wait I dont got much time so I will only take the collection and visit you again tomorrow or so." She said when she noticed the death glare from Roxas.

She acted far too pathetic for Roxas who just wanted to get away from this gaylord.After that they finally would be able to buy the goddamed cake and leave

"Okay!See you then!" he said and gave her a bright smile which she answered with an also very bright smile. "What a bitchfight!" Roxas thought impressed by so much cunning.

The paid the book. It was packed into a pink to orange -or what colour the wallstreet journal got- bag which had the message: tradional lyric for students and other cultur interested people printed in serious black letters.

The only thing Roxas could spy from the backsite of the book were three words :

... marqis de sado...

--Author note

I can hardly write larxenen she is too far from my character...Normally I can write everyone. I mean got atheist-attitude and I can think like a priest if its required (for discusses and so on)Very strange indeed!

The talk between seifer and Larxene is based on a talk between my history teacher and one of my class mates. No by content but by look. I still start shivering when I think about it.


	5. SuperSweetFiveteen

5.

After so much shopping, Roxas didnt really mind that the entered a mediastore. But, dammit! he was already able to see the supermarket!

The mediastore was also not what you would call huge or big, but still somehow, it contained the greatest porn collection, Roxas ever saw in his life. Not that he had searched for them...

Roxas looked arround bored while Larxene talked to the boy behind the counter if the already got that-and-that DVD and so on.When suddenly in the last edge hidden under some gay porn he did spy a familiar cover.

"No it couldnt be. No not in a shop like this ..." the blond thought "Suck jesus prick it actually is a collection of _**ALL**_ ghibli movies!" There were even movies Roxas the-biggest-fan-boy-ever-seen never had heard of.

His eyes were glowing like two 100w lamps. His hands were shaking and his sight clouded.

He sqeeked.

"Found something interesting, kid?" the cashier asked.

Roxas turned and looked at them. He was sooo happy he could have hugged and kissed them both. The chashier looked so pedofile that Roxas was sure he wouldnt have minded it.

A card pinned on his chest read „setzer" .

"What a stupid name!" Roxas thought to himself. The thought calmed his Ghibli ectasy down.

"Give that to me!" Larxene said and roughly grabbed the DVD he had held in a death grip.

Her eyes wandered between roxas, the pedoguy and the DVD.

"All right...I dont really wanna know how you did find _this"_ she pointed at the DVD "in _that_ she" pointed at the gayporn "or why _you"_ She looked at Setzer "sell it !" she finished her sentence.

BUT both guys did watch her with great interest.It looked kind of funny how confused she was.

"I bet she only points at anything she mentions to dont loose the plot because that would cause her to start over again" The male blond figured out and held back smirk.

"But she repeated I dont care as long you sell it for a good price."

Roxas was shocked. HE had found it under this tons of porn. HE not SHE. He opened his mouth to protest amidiately.She raised her hand to stop him.

"Think of it at thanks for helping me with the whip-thing." she said. Roxas was impressed, suprised and happy.

Impressed how fast she had recovered from the ghibli/gay porn caused confusen

Suprised because this sadistic bitch was so thankful and generous.

Happy because he had no money with him and would have had the dicision between stealing the DVD, pay the price in actions/naturals or beg her to lend him money.

She paid the DVD.

Roxas was still so happy about the DVD that he didnt notice the bag in which Larxene ordered Setzer to put it in.

When the finally reached the supermarked packed up with their three bags, they noticed it was closed. Since thirty minutes.

"Bad luck" Said Larxene unimpressed.

Roxas was too shocked to say anything. He was dragged through porn, whips and romance novels and had standed it all, so he could get that fucking cake and now this frigging bakery was goddamed closed. And all because this fucking bimbo had not moved her screwed ass fast enough so they got there on ass chewed time. But Roxas didnt let the shit hit the fan and pulled himself togeher. He had the ghibli collection and that was all that counted.

So he didnt loose a single word about fucked up the situation was while the got to the car drove back to the party.

The first thing, Roxas planned to do was phone his parents to pick him up. No matter it was miles away no matter they had better things to do, no matter what he would make them come pick him up.

The thought of a good book (with no lemon nor lime not even holding hands) brightened up his mood.

Dusk had already set when the came to the villa.

The had just entered the house and Roxas was looking for a phone as Xigbar and a blond with short hair appeart out of nothing.

"What for gods sake were you doing?" Xigbar asked "We still had a cake from ikea in the freezer. We did our best to save it from THE HELL?!What is that!" he pointed at the bag Roxas was carrying.

"Hm?" Roxas looked at the two men who backed away from the bag. "This ?" He nodded at the bag. "is a DVD Larxene bought me because ..." He couldnt really say the true reason "she thought itd match me."

"Match you?" the blond asked breathlessly. .

"Yeah?Why not?" Roxas asked he didnt understand the whole situation at all.

"THIS" Xigbar said in a unbelieving voice "MATCH A VIRGIN LIKE YOU?!"

"Yeah I mean.. why shouldnt it I mean I am a real hardcore fan of movies like this. Ask Saix he said he likes them too ... a bit" Roxas answered.

"He said Saix penetrated him!" Larxene interrupted before used her chance to get away and hide the other things she had bought.

"Poor kid I shouldnt have used him."

She thought and looked at the nightshirt from Vexen. It was the one with the tiny genius written and a little kid eating chocolate printed under it on the front. He got it from Marluxia as chrismas present. She used it to clean her window unlike the normal night shirts from Vexen – they were for the floor. "Its always sad to see how desperate he starts looking for them. But it is his fault if he always looses them when Marluxia is bored at night ... keep on looking academic." She thought and smiled badly.

--Author note

I know this is a cliff hanger! Muhahahaha I am mean!

Did anybody of you expect Larxenes action? I getting better with her attidude.A pity the story is nearly over... 1 more chapter. My homework will thank me for it! I am slowly getting turned into a complete fangirl I jump around and scream "Huiiiiii!" Why does that make me a fangirl I dont know.


	6. SuperSweetSixteen

6.

„WHAT THE HECK!" Xigbar screamed „SAIX; EXPLANTIONTIME!"

„What is all the fuss about its only a DVD collection."Roxas said.

„It is a whole COLLECTION !?" The other blond male breathed in sharply.

„I have never seen such a disgusting person in my whole live Marluxia and Axel included!" the blond meeped and hid behind Xigbar.

„Hm?" A a bit sleepy looking Saix came the door behind Xigbar and the other blond who clung to eyepatchguy like he was afraid of Roxas.

When Saix saw the bag he said uninterested „Pornographie is not made for little kids like you are, master" And then he grabbed the bag.

Xigbar and friend backed away from him a bit more.

Roxas asked „Pornographie? This fucking is none! It is the collection of every Ghibli movie ever seen! GIVE IT BACK!"

„100 best gayporn. Top quality. New with cowboys." Saix replied apathetic.

„WHAT?!"Roxas also backed away from the pervert."Dont make fun of me and give me the DVD back!"

„Read it youself, master"Saix replied and held the bag up so Roxas could see the whole thing without reaching it.

The bag was pink. Not rose, pink screaming pink. Written on it in green letters was exactly the message Saix had read to him though it was a bit cheerfuller.But only a little bit.

** 100 BEST GAYPORN!!!!! 100 TOP QUALITY!!!!**

_!!!!!NEW WITH _**!!EVEN MORE!!**___COWBOYS NEW!!!!!_

„I swear its only a ghibli movie collection! The shopkeeper tricked me! Do you got a DVD player Ill proof it is only the ghibli collection!Give it back to me PLEASE!"Roxas begged on his knees.

„If you tell the truth I shall give it back to you, master"Saix replied with a bow.

And so they started watching the movies. They had to watch them all to make sure there were no porn hidden somewhere.

Luxord meeped whenever two guys even looked at each other. He was really touchy about being gay.

„I want to see him play soccer!" Roxas thought.

By time it got dark the others came in and Larxene came down from her room. Together the watched the movies and drunk tea.

The living room had three big sofas and so it was not that uncomfortable.

They said there ate cake and drunk tea, later also alcohol.

Nearly any of them broke into tears when it was sad or laughed hystericaly mad when it was funny.

At about the forth movie they all were asleep.

And so ended the mad teaparty for Roxas: Asleep full of crumbs and tea. Curled up against the person sitting next to him.

The first one awake was Sora.

It took him about five seconds to change that.

„HEYA MOTHERFUCKERS! GET UP!"

Dont forget kids:Getting screamed into your ear is a very nice way to start your day.

End.

--Author note

Yay! This is the end. I wonder if this is a unnormal long story for a first story?

Any way thanks for reading!And the bag for the DVDs is supposed to be coloured like the CD from the mindless self indulgences album „Frankensteins Girls will seem strangely sexy"

Oh and I actually used those little arrows to mark were somebody talked. BUT this bitch didnt acceped that. I had correct that. It took me hours. I thank everybody who read it despite the arrows were missing.I mean even I could hardly understand any thing when I read it through without arrows.


End file.
